Merry Christmas! The Twelfth Dredge of Biomass

 

The Twelfth Dredge of Biomass

by Raymond K. Nakamura

For these taxing times, I tried a taxonomic take on an old favourite. Here is an annotated list of animal phyla, chosen for matching the number of syllables in the gifts mentioned in the song The Twelve Days of Christmas.

On the twelfth dredge of biomass, my true love gave to me —

This is supposing that you and your true love are fans of invertebrate zoology.

12 Annelida

Annelids are segmented worms, which include earthworms, as well as some marine ones called Christmas tree worms.

 

11 Platyhelminthes

Platyhelminthes are flatworms such as planarians, known for their ability to regenerate after being cut in half. 

10 Loricifera

Loricifera are relatively new in their discovery (1983). They would make fancy ornaments if they weren’t so tiny.

 

9 Cnidarians

Cnidarians include jellyfish, sea anemones, and coral, not to be confused with A Christmas Carol (a Charles Dickens story that can be read here on Project Gutenberg, a website sharing stories too old for copyright, or you can read about it on Wikipedia).

8 Nematoda

Nematoda are mostly tiny worms found in so many places that American nematodologist Nathan Cobb said in 1915,

 “If all the matter in the universe except the nematodes were swept away, our world would still be dimly recognizable ... we should find its mountains, hills, vales, rivers, lakes, and oceans represented by a film of nematodes."

 

7 Arthropoda

Arthropoda include all the insects and all the crustaceans. I studied barnacles, which are arthropods, and so did Charles Darwin so they must be cool.

 

6 Priapulids

Priapulids are unsegmented marine worms also sometimes call “penis worms” for their approximate similarity in shape and sometimes size. Perhaps not appropriate for a true love to send.

 

5 Chordata

Chordata are the phylum to which all the gifts in the original 12 Days of Christmas song included, except for the pear tree. 

4 Chaetognaths

Chaetognaths are tiny creatures that would look like nice ornaments or awesome dragons if they were bigger.

 

3 Molluscs

Molluscs are a diverse group that include clams, mussels, oysters, escargot, calamari and other items that go well with garlic butter. The creature I drew is a Nautilus, Greek for sailor, and the name of Captain Nemo’s submarine in Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea (a Jules Verne book you can read at Project Gutenberg).

 

2 Tardigrades

Tardigrades are tiny creatures also known as “water bears.” They are remarkably resilience creatures capable of living in many places. They were even spilled on the moon, although we don’t know if they survived that.

 

1 Echinodermata

Echinodermata include sea stars, sea urchins, sand dollars, sea cucumbers, brittle stars, and feather stars. I got interested in marine biology because of sea urchin gonads and ended up doing a doctorate on of the hydrodynamics sand dollars. Please don’t use them as tree ornaments no matter how perfect they seem for the task.

Whatever your inclination, I hope you have a maritime merry time this winter solstice, trying out these alternatives for all the verses and putting the “sea” back in Season’s Greetings.

Tom Lehrer songs now in public domain!

by Paula Johanson

Part of learning about science is talking and thinking about science. And singing about it too, if you're someone who appreciates the humour of Tom Lehrer. Not every family will laugh at every one of his songs, but most families will find something funny in at least one of his songs about science or math. There's a Tom Lehrer song listing the elements from the Periodic Table of the elements, which is funnier to sing or hear than you'd think a list would be. It's all the two-syllable and three-syllable rhyming, which is humourous in English-language poetry for some traditional reason. Actor Daniel Radcliffe (who played Harry Potter in the films) has been known to sing this song at parties, and at least once on television.

Another song Tom Lehrer wrote had some cutting satire about Wehrner von Braun, a rocket scientist. Lehrer also wrote songs for the short television videos known as Schoolhouse Rock and for the television show The Electric Company, which were landmarks in the field of education using video/television.

As writer Cory Doctorow says on Twitter:

Tom Lehrer is one of our great nerdy, comedic songwriters, a Harvard-educated mathematician who produced a string of witty, unforgettable science- and math-themed comedic airs with nary a dud.

Now in his nineties, Lehrer remains both a political and scientific hero, sung the world round by geeks of every age. When my daughter was young, we taught her "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park."

Undergrads at UC Santa Cruz would sign up for his math class just to learn freshman algebra from the "Wehrner Von Braun" guy. Now, Lehrer has done something absolutely remarkable. 

In a note on his website, Lehrer has released the lyrics (and music, for those songs where he was the composer) into the public domain. He warns fans to download the songs before 12/31/2024, when he says he will delete his site. https://tomlehrersongs.com

Only the lyrics to 96 songs are in the release; Lehrer cautions the accompanying music will appear later "with further disclaimers." In his note, Lehrer urges us to make up our own tunes for these: "In particular, permission is hereby granted to anyone to set any of these lyrics to their own music and publish or perform their versions without fear of legal action." 

 

Why would anyone choose to give up the copyright to his songs? Well, for several reasons. Lehrer is in his nineties and has already retired from his academic career and from performing his songs. You can read about Lehrer's colourful life in a Wikipedia article about him which has many references for further reading. Some of his songs from the Electric Company are at this link and they're well worth learning.

If you want to learn more about copyright and creative commons licensing, there are many books and articles on the topic. Creative Commons has a website at this link. Copyright in Canada is managed at this link where there is lots of information you can read, including a Guide to Copyright you can read online at this link.